Pastor's Wife Barbie

Understanding my “roles” in life has often been a source of confusion. For some people it appears to be pretty cut and dried: “I know that I am supposed to be a nurse.” Or, “I know that I am supposed to be a teacher.” These people go to college, graduate, and then become nurses or teachers. It may not always be fun but, for the most part, they give the impression of being fulfilled in these roles. Usually I am somewhat envious of the seeming simplicity these friends have in their life's roles.

I’ve had this role as a pastor’s wife for sometime now. I have to admit that this role is akin to trying on bathing suits in a department store after you’ve had two kids. You’re in there under the glaring fluorescent lights, tugging and pulling, adjusting; wincing as you face your derriere in the mirror… however, the flimsy bit of super strength spandex just cannot perform the miracle of making you look like the Halle Berry Catwoman Barbie Doll. And you want to look like Halle Berry Doll. (Unless, of course you are a blond, which I am not - then you want to look like a Barbie Doll.) Worse, in your pea brained head you’ve decided that the world at large wants you to look like a Halle Berry Catwoman Doll. Short of living at 24 hour fitness this is not going to happen.

It’s taken some time and research, but I have discovered that there is no Pastor’s Wife Barbie. There is a Nurse Barbie and a Teacher Barbie. There is even a Hawaiian Barbie. There are also quite a few Barbies that ought to be called Hoochie Mama Barbie, but maybe I shouldn’t be so judgmental. This information on the different Barbies leads me to believe that there are not enough little girls out there wanting to be a Pastor’s Wife to warrant making a Barbie doll. I suspect that it would be too difficult to decide what she would look like or how dowdy to make her attire. I imagine the Hoochie Mama Barbie is more marketable.

I know that I never aspired to be a Pastor’s wife as a girl. Ideas such as ballerina, gymnast, teacher - or even cashier - seemed more appealing. I was already living in the parsonage, and from my inside view it did not seem to be such a great job. There were a lot of responsibilities and too many restrictions. Funny thing though, I did think that being a missionary was a cool job. There is a lot more romance in the idea of being speared by savages; nobly eating sago grubs to be polite; or courageously rescuing little girls from becoming temple prostitutes. So exciting! Plus, you get to travel, wear different types of clothing, learn new languages, provide some medical care, teach people to read and write, and get a good tan since you’ll be living in a hut on a beach… I mean, the perks are nearly endless if you are a missionary! Being a Pastor’s wife doesn’t even begin to compare. Booooor-ing! Moreover, there is a Travel Barbie and there are a number of International Barbies which further reinforces that a Missionary Barbie may not be far off.

As for girls who do aspire to be pastor’s wives, either they know for sure that they are meant to be in this role like the nurse/teacher people or they are completely nuts. It’s possible that they may mistakenly think there is glamour and romance in the role. Again, resting my case that some of these chicks are nuts.

So, was I called to this role but didn’t get the message? Did my phone drop the call? Was my phone disconnected at the time? It could be any of these three. Your guess is as good as mine. I never wanted the job but I have it anyway. Am I really a Troll doll who ended up with a Ken Doll? Possible. Also possible is the Dashboard Hula Doll ending up with Ken Doll. I’ve been asked before, “Didn’t you know that Sean was going to be a pastor?” Are you catching the implication of that question?!? A Dashboard Hula Girl should not marry a Ken Doll. That’s what I’m hearing. I should be thwarted in love since I am not a Barbie doll? How come it’s ok to substitute GI Joe for Ken Doll but not Troll girl for Barbie? Huh? I mean, do I love the man or his job? What if he were a Sanitation Engineer? Would I still go for him?

I’m just going to say that I am the Gold Edition Missionary Barbie but I have been on a semi-permanent furlough due to Ken Doll Safari Edition Outfit not being released yet.

p.s. For the record, no I am not ripping on Sean. I’m writing about roles and their confusion not any confusion about who to marry and why. I married the man I loved (still love) regardless of the confusion down the road. Come on, you know I would have been confused whether he was a pastor or not! Few of you know this embarrassing fact but I did try to join the Armed Forces not long after we were married. Maybe all those grubs I ate as an MK (missionary kid) got to my head.