Sunday, June 24, 2007

Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut...

I've been busy coming up with all these new "mantras" to replace the 8-track of garbled 70's music that is psychedelically ruining my life, particularly because I do not trip on acid whilst listening to these horrific tunes that fry my brain.

I admit that it all feels so Tony Robbins but I know that feeling like the ultimate cheese ball is only a phase. Next thing you know I will be Robert Schuller and then, Norman Vincent Peale.
You are so gonna love being around me then. Not only will I be loving my life but I will also throw in a set of Ginsu knives and a free inspirational booklet.
If I can get to the level of Billy Graham (and I mean that respectfully) then I will have faked it 'till I maked it.

Oops, there I go again with the ridiculous burden of expectation.

Billy, please forgive me. You are you - and a wonderful you you are. I am me, and a stadium-filling evangelist I am not called to be. A nut ball writing real blog posts is more my speed. Oh, I am not like all the other nut balls who roll through here. I am a bona fide original.

No sir, I am not whatever type of nut someone else prefers. You want me to be a peanut? A walnut? A pecan? An almond? Well, too bad. I'm a coconut. You don't like it? So I'll fall out of a tree onto your head. Hey, you shook the tree hoping for a different kind of nut, not me. Peanuts don't grow on palm trees, you know! You figure out what kind of nut you are and then you'll know what kind of recipes to make. It's revolutionary! For me it's macaroons, coconut cake, aromatic Thai curries, coconut battered shrimp - see, if you're a peanut then you are making different recipes.

Once a coconut, always a coconut that's what I always say.

Inspirational booklet, anyone?


Ch@ndy said...

coconut? i love coconut! versatile, refreshing, delightful!

bluesugarpoet said...

First of all, where did you find that poster?!! That's awesome. I hope it is now plastered on a wall in your house somewhere.

Second, how did you figure out that you were a coconut? I LOVE coconut. If you have to BE a nut, then that's the best type of nut to be. It's original, it smells good, it tastes great, and hardly anyone is allergic to it.

I'll pass on the tract for now - unless it comes with both a Ginsu and a macaroon...

CGA said...

ha ha from the peanut gallery indeed..

I Google-imaged "Mr. Peanut" and he just seemed to fit!

Coconut... many a happy day I spent trying to husk or grate those suckers in the village. It goes with the tropical persona that I've adopted; favorite flower: hibiscus (also versatile).

Versatile indeed: You can even make a temporary bikini top out of a coconut shell! ha ha